Not A Freudian Slip

An actual conversation I had:

Kiwi dude: “After dinner, if you want to come out you can sit on my dick.“

Me: “Uh… what?“

“If you feel like coming out, I have a nice big dick. My wife hates me going on and on about it, but I’m pretty proud of it.”

“Your…”

“My dick. Come on, I’ll show you.” [motions toward the dining room, where his wife isn’t]

“Oh, no, that’s OK. I’m not really into—“

“What, dicks? I thought you Americans liked ‘em.”

“I… I don’t think it works that way.”

“Sure. You lot are famous for all your big houses with the big lawns. I just assumed you’d all have big dicks.“

“Oh, your deck.”

“Yis.”

“Sure. I’d be happy to come out with you and sit on your big deck.”