In 2,200 miles of biking through Tasmania and New Zealand, I only passed one rider. He was a little kid and he challenged me to a bike race. I already had a headstart, he passed me, and I gunned it to pass him. That’s the peak of my racing career.

Eva and Henning, aka Ze Germans, were a little faster than me. Marcel the Iron Dutchman was a lot faster than me. Dr. Kate was so much faster than me that my first thought was I can’t imagine being that strong. However, riding on the heels of that was my second thought: Dude, you’re a sci-fi/fantasy writer. You can imagine a lot. So for this Throwback Thursday, let’s imagine what it would take for me to be as strong a cyclist as Dr. Kate.

We’ll start with Will Smith. He and I share the same build:

Oh, wait. We share the same natural build:

When he was the Fresh Prince of Bel Air (1990) I was in eighth grade, and both of us were 6’2”, 135 pounds. Eleven years later I was in nineteenth grade and he was starring in Ali. We’re both still 6’2”. I was 170 pounds and he was 223.

I’ll call this the Dr. Kate standard. If Will Smith can put on 88 pounds of raw muscle, then I can put on whatever muscles it takes to climb hills and eat up miles alongside Dr. Kate. I can imagine that. Smith proved it’s in the realm of possibility.

My body double and my hero. Image credit IEG.

But how to get there? Smith had a bevy of personal trainers: a boxing coach, a weightlifting coach, and someone to oversee his diet. I’d need all of that and also a licensed clinical social worker to talk me off the ledge every time I said I’d rather die than lift weights. But I can imagine all the people who worked for Smith working for me. (I can’t afford them, but I can imagine them.)

But even the best support team in the world wouldn’t be enough. Smith had external motivation. Playing Muhammad Ali was the precursor to muscle-bound roles in movies like Hancock, I Am Legend, and Suicide Squad. Together those four netted him $85 million. Plus I bet Jada digs those muscles. So imagine me raking in $85 million in book sales and Jada Pinkett Smith Bein having the hots for me. Not easy to imagine, but like I said, I can imagine a lot.

I reckon that’s what it would take to motivate me to do all the cardio and strength training I’d need to match Dr. Kate. All I need is the adoration of one of the world’s most beautiful, most successful women, plus the promise of a $20 million paycheck with a steady stream of those to follow. Teaching philosophy will never pay that well, but I can imagine a world where my novels sell that well.

So here’s the part I have a hard time imagining: how could being a stronger bicyclist increase my novel sales to millions of dollars per year? If you have any ideas, drop me a line.

Philosofiction

#TBT: Can You Even Imagine?